Conquering Fear

Readers seek advice on the different kinds of phobias that grip them

The emotional intensity of reader responses has compelled me to continue on the topic of fears this week. Some of the responses are in the domain of managing phobias, in which I do not profess to be an expert. We should not be embarrassed or ashamed about having a phobia. Around 10% of the general population have a phobia that is severe enough to require clinical help. So please consult a psychotherapist or a counselor in such cases while keeping an open mind on the responses offered.

I have always had fear and anxiety about the future. As a child I was always told: Be extra careful with whatever you have, as you do not know the future. This gave me a sense of scarcity and feeling of inadequacy. Fearing the future, I wasn’t able to enjoy the present.

After reading through books and articles, I have come to the conclusion that I was creating an inadequate world for myself by thinking negatively and running away from the very source of abundance.

My old thought process is slowly changing but I still look for reassurance that the world isn’t such a bad place after all and there is enough for everyone to happily coexist.

Preeti Shinde

I have repeatedly mentioned that awareness is the first step towards a solution. You already seem to be there. All of us have our individual fears about the future, so you are in great company. Live in the moment.

As far as reassurances are concerned, its all a matter of perspective and you can certainly work towards that. A glass tumbler with 50% water can be termed both as a half-empty glass or a half-full one. Take your pick and live in abundance with the right choice!

I am afraid of heights and arguments. I am scared of people who cannot discuss but only argue and as they get offended easily.

PK (Maheshwari)

The only types of innate fear that one is born with are : a fear of falling, a fear of loud sounds and a fear of abandonment. We continue growing with them. (About your fear of heights, there’s nothing to worry about, unless you propose to walk the tightrope between two skyscrapers!

We know this because if one makes a loud noise, a baby gets startled and cries. If he is allowed to fall through a distance, he is likely to cry even if there is no actual impact. Even before a baby can actually hone his senses to perceive the world around him, these fears are present in him instinctively.

Reconsider your stand on getting scared of arguments. So long as you are not a particpant, it shouldn’t concern you. Try detaching yourself from those moments.

I am 56, but I look ten years younger, and am married with a loving husband and two college-going kids. I used to feel young and energetic until some fears started entering my mind. Over the last few years, I have lost both my parents and an only brother.

In spite of having my own family, I fear being alone, I fear flying, I fear my health is failing. Even a slight pain, especially in the left side of my body, scares me to a near nervous breakdown. 

I am known to be a fighter (I single handedly took care of my parents and brother until their last days without any help or support except from my husband, because my brother was HIV positive). But deep within, I was frustrated, sad and reluctant since I did not know how to take care of them, especially my brother. I do not like to take anti-depressants and want to strengthen my mental power to get over my fears.

I do yoga and meditate but I meditate more on my terrible experiences and most of the times I end up crying.  I am trying to involve myself in some social activity but have this nagging fear about my fluctuating health.

Doctors say I am quite healthy except for high BP problems, and my problems are mainly caused by anxiety/fears.  I am confused and do not know how to deal with myself.  I do not like to read newspapers in the morning because they are full of negative news, like accidents, murders, or terrorist activities.

Anonymous

You, yourself need to address these fears. Your past experiences seem to have left indelible impressions on your sensitive mind. Since you do yoga and also practice meditation all you need to do is to veer yourself away from meditating on negative experiences. Try creative visualization, in which you should focus on pleasing and empowering visuals and situations.

Heal your past relationships with your parents and brother. See them as happy, contented individuals, focus on the more blissful moments spent together with them. Build up on the fact that even doctors have certified you fit, what else do you want? And reading or not reading news is a matter of personal choice. Don’t indulge in it if it disturbs you.

Our thoughts create our own heavenly havens. Get set to create yours.
Keep sharing your fears and concerns.

.
Thought for the Week

“I’m not afraid of storms,
for I’m learning how to sail my ship.”
Louisa May Alcott (1832 – 1888)
American Novelist
.

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

First published in Gray Matter - The Hindustan Times